Do you want to connect deeper than ever before?
When you are in a relationship with another (an OTHER), there is conflict when that person’s point of view threatens your own. Both of you come to the interaction with an entire world of thoughts, opinions, feelings and experiences that is NOT the same. Conflict occurs when both of you struggle to get the other to see things your way. The good news is, conflict is an opportunity for you to connect deeper than ever before.
To experience connection in the face of conflict, or in love, I teach couples that when they stop trying to win, but rather imagine a bridge spanning the distance between their two worlds, they open and deepen connection.
Over the Bridge. This is what I call my two day workshops for couples. People sometimes ask me about the significance of that title. “What does it mean?” Let me tell you what it means to me.
Going over the bridge means that you cross over the space between you and another to meet the other with curiosity and a desire to fully understand the other’s view. Rather than struggling to be right, you listen to understand the world of the other and without judgement. By deeply listening, the other starts to make sense and your own world expands.
It’s an act of courage, an act of love. It’s the only thing I know that truly connects us to the world of our partners. When you are able to cross the bridge with full presence, curiosity and compassion, something magical occurs. It’s called an encounter. There, we meet soul to soul, pure essence to essence and the emotional pain of being alone is healed. We are united.
I work with couples in intimate relationships. I think of my work as changing the planet one couple at a time. Each person can bring his or her healing outward to the greater world. And as we know, the world could use some healing encounters.
We are all aware that there is a large international crisis happening in our world as refugees from the Middle East pour into Greece and other countries seeking asylum from their own war-torn countries. Recently, I came across this 10 minute video that I hope you’ll make the time to watch. It’s a wonderful example of people crossing the bridge to the other where encounters are so desperately needed.
It warms my heart to see young medical professionals from Israel giving their time, their skills and their care to refugees from Syria. Their countries are at war, but these individuals are seen going over the bridge of differences and encountering these people in need. One doctor says no matter what language you speak, what nationality you are, what religion you believe in, or the color of your skin, we are human. People are crossing borders, oceans and ultimately the bridge to one another to meet in their full humanity. It’s a beautiful video.
We all benefit when we can stop for a moment and consciously hear, understand, respect and honor the other. Marriages improve, children grow up emotionally safe and happy and possibly, nations stop destroying one another.
In the words of Rumi, a 13th century mystic poet, “Love is the bridge between you and everything”.
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