Curious How To Get The Most Out Of Therapy? Starting At The Right Time Is Key
As a Psychotherapist over the past 30 years, I’ve received thousands of calls from individuals and couples inquiring about my services. Over time, I’ve noticed that there is quite a lot of variation in their level of interest.
Some are just thinking about the possibility that therapy might be useful. They’re gathering information about fees and availability and how I work. Others are quite sure that they don’t need therapy, but their partners are insisting that they come in. Still others are quite motivated and book an appointment on the first call.
These various levels of readiness are consistent with the Stages of Change Model developed by James Prochaska and Carlo DiClemente. In this model, the authors have outlined five distinct stages of how people approach change. I’ve found that I get a lot of information about where the future client is by applying these ideas as early as the first phone call.
Let’s look at the Stages of Change here. Perhaps you can identify where you are in your own thinking about getting some therapeutic help.
Pre-Contemplation
In this stage, you don’t see any real need to change. The issues in your life aren’t bothering you. You are most likely not seeking therapy unless someone is pressuring, or coercing you in some fashion. Sometimes, couples end up in Relationship Therapy with one person in this stage, while the other is further along. This is sometimes the “ignorance is bliss” stage of change.
Contemplation
In this stage, you realize that a change needs to happen. Your individual or relational issues are feeling unmanageable and you are contemplating the need to improve. You are not fully committed yet, but definitely it’s on your mind. You’re still thinking about or talking to friends. You’re not quite ready to pick up the phone and call for therapy.
Preparation
In the Preparation stage of change, you’ve decided that it’s time to change your dysfunctional behavior or patterns. This is sometimes called the “testing the waters” stage. This is where I find people who are calling to inquire about how therapy works, how it might benefit them and what’s possible in terms of time and financial commitment. Here, you’re preparing to engage in the process of change.
Action
The Action stage is where you make the appointment and show up for therapy. You are consciously choosing new behaviors, gaining new insights and developing new skills. In this stage, you feel enthusiastic and motivated and possibly a bit anxious. Most of therapy happens in this stage unless someone is pressured when still in the Pre-Contemplation stage. “I’m only coming for her…”
Maintenance
The fifth stage of this model of change is where you sustain the commitment to the new behavior and interactions. Sometimes people terminate therapy too soon and don’t get enough support for maintenance of the changes. When this happens you might enter an optional sixth stage called Relapse. This also contributes to repeat customers or clients who come in after having seen other therapists.
If you are in the Contemplation or Preparation Stage and wondering if therapy could help you, these questions might help you to figure that out. Ask yourself:
- Is there anyone who knows and cares about all or almost all the significant events of your life? If married, are you able to share these with your spouse?
- Do you feel as though you’re living life behind an invisible screen, unable to truly connect with anyone or anything? Do you feel unseen, even in your most intimate relationship?
- Is there at least one person you talk to at least once a week who really understands all or almost all of your feelings?
- Is there anything you feel you can’t or mustn’t tell anyone, even your partner?
- Do you feel comfortable crying in front of the people you love the most?
- Have you recently suffered some kind of serious emotional wound, such as the loss of a job or a loved one?
- Have you benefitted from therapy in the past and recently felt wistful about it, missing that kind of reliable support for your life or your relationship?
- Do you have unexpected negative emotional reactions to others’ behavior toward you, such as feeling shame when you are praised or anxiety when you are loved?
- Does your fear of others’ disapproval dominate your choices?
- Are you able to freely express love to your family, friends and significant other?
- Are you lonely even if—or especially when—you’re with a group of people or with your partner?
- Do you have to be under the influence of alcohol or drugs in order to be open about your thoughts or emotions?
If you answered yes to even one of these questions, individual or relationship therapy may benefit you. Look for a therapist with strong credentials—solid training and years of experience.
I’m happy to offer you a complimentary phone consultation to help you figure out what’s best for you.