Blog Details

The Shift Away from Traditional Romance: Understanding Trends in Marriage, and Childbirth Among Young People

Over the past 35 years of being a Marriage and Family Therapist, I’ve noticed a shift in the way that my clients engage with each other romantically. Many younger clients “hang out” rather than formally date, fewer seem to dream about settling down into committed, monogamous marriages, and fewer still are rushing to have children. It seems that current trends are shifting quickly.

This may be why a recent conversation with my seven-year-old granddaughter caught my attention. While enjoying an afternoon out, we found ourselves in a tea room enjoying a piece of cake—mine with tea, hers with hot chocolate. We got on to the topic of living a long life when she sweetly declared that she wanted me to live to be 100 years old! I asked for her ideas about how I might do that and her response was thoughtful but precise. She said, “You must be sure to eat a lot of raw vegetables. You need to drink a lot of water each day and be sure to sleep many hours each night.” And then, she put up her little index finger and added, “Oh, and stay away from men!”

I was touched by her thoughtfulness, her desire for me to live a long time, and her knowledge about what constitutes good health. I was, however, a bit curious, shocked, and amused by her advice about men. When pressed further, she explained that women (presumably her mother and the mothers of her friends) seem happiest when they get together for “talking, laughing and playing together”. I had to admit that she isn’t entirely wrong.

This has often been true in my own life. I have been married more than once and have had my share of boyfriends and lovers. Men have come and gone, but throughout my life, my gal pals have been consistently available for love, support, consistent care, travel, adventure, and fun.

But despite the truth of that, mine is a generation that sought to settle down, marry, and have kids. It’s what we were supposed to do. First college, then engagement, then marriage, then 2.2 children. Of course, we also got divorced to the tune of about 50% of the time, but even then we remarried and possibly had another child or two. No matter the difficulties, Baby Boomers were by and large compelled to date, marry, and reproduce. Is the current generation motivated by those same expectations? Not necessarily.

 

In this blog, I want us to look at current trends in dating and marriage.

1. Let’s look at some statistics about what’s actually going on and consider some of the factors influencing our current attitudes.
2. We can then compare trends in the U.S. to some global perspectives on relationships and look at the consequences and implications.
3. What are our challenges and opportunities for the future?

 

Looking at current trends in dating and marriage, we find that declining marriage rates among Millennials and Gen Xers have been well-documented in many parts of the world.

Here are some statistics from various regions:

United States:

• According to data from the U.S. Census Bureau, the marriage rate in the United States has been steadily declining for decades. In 2020, there were 6.1 marriages per 1,000 people, compared to 10.6 marriages per 1,000 people in 1986.
• A Pew Research Center analysis found that in 2019, only 22% of millennials (those born between 1981 and 1996) were married by age 22-37, compared to 29% of Gen Xers and 33% of Baby Boomers at the same age.

 

Australia:

The Australian Bureau of Statistics (ABS) indicates a similar trend. Marriage rates have been declining over the past few decades. In 2019, there were 4.5 marriages per 1,000 people, down from 6.8 marriages per 1,000 people in 1970.

 

Canada:

Statistics Canada data shows a decline in marriage rates as well. In 2018, there were 4.5 marriages per 1,000 people, down from 7.1 marriages per 1,000 people in 1981.

 

Japan:

Japan has one of the lowest marriage rates among developed countries. According to data from the Ministry of Health, Labour and Welfare, the number of marriages in Japan has been steadily declining since the early 1970s. In 2019, there were 5.0 marriages per 1,000 people, down from 10.0 marriages per 1,000 people in 1970.

 

United Kingdom:

• In the United Kingdom, marriage rates have been on a significant decline. According to the Office for National Statistics (ONS), the number of marriages in England and Wales dropped to 85,770 in 2020, a 61% decrease from 2019.
• This figure represents the lowest number of marriages since records began in 1838. The marriage rate in 2020 was 7.4 marriages per 1,000 unmarried men and 7.0 per 1,000   unmarried women, down from 19.1 and 17.8 respectively in 2019​ (Office for National Statistics)​​
• The trend over recent decades shows a general decrease in marriage rates across all age groups. In 2019, the average age at marriage for opposite-sex couples was 34.3 years for men and 32.3 years for women, continuing a long-term trend of rising marriage ages. For same-sex couples, the average age was slightly higher​ (Office for National Statistics)​.

 

These statistics highlight a broader trend of global declining marriage rates among younger generations.

We can see from these numbers that there are evolving attitudes towards marriage and relationships across the world.

 

While marriage rates have been declining, there has been a rise in single-person households, as well as cohabiting couples, in many parts of the world. The rise of single-person households and cohabitation reflects evolving social and cultural norms, economic realities, and individual preferences in modern society. These trends challenge traditional notions of family and household structures, highlighting the diversity and complexity of contemporary living arrangements. There is no longer a one-size-fits-all path for young adults to follow.

 

The current generation is disinclined to follow the traditional steps for adulthood. The average age of marriage and first-time parenthood in the United States has been gradually increasing over the past few decades. Of course, geographic location, socioeconomic status, cultural background, and individual circumstances impact the exact ages that marriage and child birthing occur, but generally, we are older now than before.

What factors are influencing this shift in attitudes toward romance and marriage?

Socioeconomic Factors:

Most young people I meet cite economic factors such as financial instability, crushing student debt, and the cost of finding suitable housing. In Los Angeles, where I live and practice, I meet 30-year-olds still sharing space with roommates in order to afford the cost of an apartment.

 

Changing Cultural Norms:

There seems to be a shift in our culture toward emphasis on individualism, career pursuits, and personal fulfillment. This focus is leading young people away from the search for that one perfect mate with whom they can settle down forever.

 

Impact of Technology and Social Media:

With the rise of online dating, the ability to socialize on digital platforms, and virtual relationships, younger people often do not feel the push of loneliness that leads to marriage.

 

Is this shift only happening here in the United States for some reason? Let’s take a look at a few global perspectives.

1. United States:
   • In the United States, there has been a gradual shift towards later marriage and an increase in cohabitation before marriage.
   • Online dating has become increasingly popular, with many people using dating apps and websites to meet potential partners.
   • There’s a growing acceptance of non-traditional relationship structures, such as open relationships and polyamory, particularly among younger generations.
2. Japan:
   • Japan has one of the lowest marriage rates among developed countries, with many young people opting to remain single or delay marriage.
   • Factors such as economic uncertainty, career pressures, and changing gender roles have contributed to declining marriage rates.
   • Despite this, traditional matchmaking services and arranged marriages still play a significant role in Japanese society, particularly in rural areas.
3. Sweden:
   • Sweden has embraced progressive attitudes towards relationships and marriage, with a strong emphasis on gender equality and individual autonomy.
   • Cohabitation is common, and many couples choose to live together and have children before getting married, if they choose to marry at all.
   • Sweden has a high rate of divorce, but there’s also a focus on co-parenting and maintaining amicable relationships post-divorce for the well-being of children.
4. India:
   • In India, arranged marriages remain prevalent, particularly in rural areas and among certain religious and cultural communities.
   • However, there’s also a growing trend towards love marriages, especially in urban areas and among younger generations.
   • Online matchmaking platforms and dating apps are gaining popularity, providing more opportunities for young Indians to meet potential partners outside of traditional networks.
5. Brazil:
   • Brazil has a diverse range of dating and marriage customs influenced by cultural, religious, and regional differences.
   • Cohabitation is common, and many couples choose to live together before getting married. However, marriage is still highly valued, especially in more conservative or religious communities.
   • Divorce rates have been increasing in Brazil, reflecting changing attitudes towards marriage and family structures.

 

These examples highlight the diversity of dating and marriage trends around the world, shaped by a variety of cultural, economic, and social factors. While there are common themes such as delayed marriage and increased acceptance of non-traditional relationships in many countries, each culture has its unique customs and traditions regarding love and partnership.

 

So what are the consequences and implications of these shifting trends?

Lower marriage and birth rates have implications across social, economic and political dimensions.

 

Social Implications

• Potential impact on social norms includes changes in family structure leading to more single-parent households and cohabitation. Researchers have noted increased social isolation as marriage and birth rates decline, as well as a negative impact on the well-being of children.
• Other concerns include generational imbalance, the potential for increased inequality, loss of cultural heritage, and loss of community cohesion.
• While some of this impact may be viewed as negative, evolving cultural norms and expectations around relationships, family, and gender roles can lead to broader acceptance of diversity.

 

Economic Implications

• Economic implications include an aging population which can cause workforce shortages, increased pension and healthcare costs, and changes in consumer demand.
• Countries with declining birth rates may find it challenging to compete globally, particularly against nations with younger, growing populations. This could impact their influence and economic standing on the world stage.

 

Political Implications

• An aging population can also influence political priorities, with older voters potentially having more sway in elections. This could shift policy focus towards issues like healthcare, pensions, and age-related benefits.
• Also, changes in household composition can influence voting behavior and political priorities. Single individuals and single parents might prioritize different issues, such as affordable housing, childcare, and social services, compared to married couples. Shrinking marriage and birth rates might call for governments to shift policies to compensate.

 

What are some Opportunities for the future?

Shifts in marriage and birth rates offer opportunities for addressing societal pressures and expectations regarding relationships.

• Support for single parents, cohabiting couples, and non-traditional families can come through targeted social services and programs.
• Governments may need to find ways to implement policies that enhance economic security for single individuals, such as affordable housing, healthcare, and childcare.
• There is an opportunity to develop community programs and initiatives that foster social connections and reduce isolation. A client told me that young people in Japan receive a monetary stipend from the government to go to sponsored parties with the opposite sex to promote falling in love, marrying, and reproducing. Beyond that is the practice of Gokon, or group dating.
• Further, there should be updates to our legal frameworks to reflect changing family dynamics, ensuring that all family structures are recognized and supported.
• While declining marriage and birth rates present various challenges, thoughtful policies and societal adaptations can help mitigate their impact and support diverse family structures.

 

In conclusion, it is evident that dating, marriage, and reproduction trends are shifting among young people worldwide. We are navigating an ever-evolving societal landscape, with significant implications for social norms, economies, and politics.

While some challenges have arisen, there are also exciting opportunities for the future.

---