Conversations to Have With Your Fiancé Before Marriage
Committing yourself to another person isn’t something that should be taken lightly. After the excitement of your proposal, but before your wedding day, it’s essential for you and your fiancé to sit down together and discuss some important topics. Doing so will help to ensure your relationship is as strong as possible before saying “I do.”
Read on to learn more about the six conversations you and your fiancé definitely need to have before marriage.
1. Work/Life Balance
Your career means a lot to you, and so does your fiancé and family. Before you commit to one another, you and your fiancé need to first individually balance your life. Then, work together to determine where your common goals lie. From there, you can decide on specifics. For example, you can each set aside your work after a certain time each day or have a dedicated date night every week.
The goal here is to find a balance that works for both of you so you can continuously foster your relationship while also meeting your career goals. Having this conversation in advance will help to set these boundaries early and allow you to go into your marriage knowing you’re able to prioritize one another.
2. Finances
Money is an important, yet often contentious aspect in relationships. Undoubtedly, you and your finacé aren’t going to completely agree on every aspect of handling your personal finances. However, it’s still important to have these conversations and work toward an understanding of how you both look at money and what your financial goals are.
A good example is when you’re looking to buy a house. This is both a huge life milestone and a large investment, so you want to make sure you’re financially ready. You can determine your readiness by calculating how much house you can afford before you begin looking. Knowing where you each stand financially, as well as your goals can help you make the progress you need now to ultimately reach those goals together.
3. Communication
The key to a successful relationship is communication. If you can’t communicate and connect with your partner now, then things aren’t going to magically get better after your wedding day. When having a conversation about how you can communicate better as a couple, keep your mind open to really listen, and ask your fiancé to do the same. Remember, no one is to blame and it’s important to hear each other out.
Some questions to get the conversation started include:
● Do you think I’m a good listener?
● Do you feel you can express yourself clearly to me?
● Are there issues that you’re unwilling to discuss with me?
● Do you value avoiding conflict under all circumstances?
● Do you think that I provide you with emotional support when you need it?
● Would you prefer to solve issues immediately or take some time apart to think about them?
● Do we argue about the same issues over and over?
● How do you feel about the way that I express my frustration or anger?
4. Handling Stress
We all know what it’s like to be under high stress and pressure. What becomes an issue is when we take that out on those closest to us. Stress can bring the little things that bother you to the surface and ultimately cause you to criticize your partner. To avoid this happening at all, or worse, becoming a pattern, you need to have a conversation with your fiancé about how you each handle stress. Some people will prefer to be alone and reflective, while others need to be social as a distraction from the stress.
Figure out where you each fall and talk about your individual preferences during those times. Have a way to communicate to one another when it’s one of those times, so they can best know how to handle it. This can be a word that tells them you’re stressed, or you can directly say that you’re stressed followed by what you need from them. Having this conversation now will inform you both on the others preferences and also let the other know not to be hurt or offended by what you need.
5. Having a Baby
Before having a baby, you and your fiancé should have a conversation where you discuss your expectations. Here are some of the important questions to answer during this conversation:
● Do you want to have children?
● How many children would you like to have?
● How long should we be married before starting a family?
● Will one of us stay home after we have children?
● How will we balance our careers with the demands of parenting?
● How would you feel if we were unable to conceive?
● How do you feel about adoption?
● Do you have children already from a former relationship?
While you discuss what you each want in a family, it’s also important to consider how having a baby will impact you as a couple. Your relationship after baby will shift, and that’s ok. What’s important is that you still make one another a priority as well.
6. Parenting
After you’ve figured out what you both want in a family, you need to also have a conversation about what kind of parents you’ll be. There are different parenting styles and it’s important to determine what you both think and where you both believe you’ll fall. Hearing what kind of parent your fiancé thinks you’ll be and vice versa can also be enlightening.
Undoubtedly, you’ve each experienced different forms of parenting growing up, and you’ll each have different opinions about what’s best. Remember, both of your opinions are valid and you should hear one another out completely.
These are only six examples of the conversations you and your fiancé should have before marriage. Knowing where you each stand can help you build a stronger relationship and understand one another on a deeper level. If these conversations bring up deeper issues, you can always work with me to find a solution and transform your relationship.