Three Steps to Repair Your Marriage
“My marriage isn’t what it used to be. It’s not that anything in particular has changed, but we just don’t seem as happy as we once were. We have sex less often, we talk less, and I’m really worried that we’re growing apart. How can I fix this before it’s too late?” – Annonymous
This is a great question and you are not alone. It’s not unusual for couples to experience a lessening of the kinds of things you’re talking about in your question. You know, in the beginning of relationships novelty produces some chemicals in the brain that really make everything so spicy and exciting. As couples spend more time together they get set in their routines. Even though this might be incredibly comforting it can be a little boring. Couples get busier, they have careers, they have children, they tend to talk less, they have less to talk about, and in the bedroom – less sex.
You have taken an important first step: recognizing the symptoms, asking the question, really being aware that something has to change. What now? Here are three steps to begin repairing your marriage:
- I’d like you to have a very deep conversation with your partner. Make sure that the two of you are on the same page in that you both are willing to prioritize your relationship.
- Make some time for each other. Set aside a date night. Do you have a date night? I mean a time when you turn off your cell phones get away from the children and go out and do whatever just to spend some time together, it’s really very important. Put it in your calendar and honor it like the most important thing you do all week long.
- What about sex? Did you know you can make a sex date? “Ahhh,” people say in my office, “That’s not very romantic – planning for sex!” I say, is it more romantic to not even have any? Plan it! Put it in your book. It’ll give you something to look forward to. Both of you can anticipate this date and really start feeling sexy and juicy all day long. Then, when the evening comes make sure that you set the mood. Turn down the lights, light some candles, and put on some music. Get out of your sweats for God’s sake. Try to be attractive to one another. This is what we did when we were dating.
Then there’s the issue of communication. In my practice, I help couples communicate in a way that they learn something deep about one another, and about themselves. They also learn to communicate overall much better. Couples can really begin to deepen their connection and their intimacy with one another.
With your question, you have really gotten onto something here and I hope that you will take the time get your partner involved, take these three important steps in the right direction. Because it is definitely not too late to make change.
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