What does your wedding say about your marriage?
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I work with a lot of couples preparing for marriage. I frequently hear about their wedding plans. In my 25 plus years as a Premarital Therapist, I sometimes think that I’ve heard it all!
Recently, however, a report produced for the National Marriage Project piqued my interest. In it, the researchers found two wedding factors that impact the outcome, both in longevity and happiness, of the marriages.
- First of all, they found that couples who had more guests at their wedding reported higher levels of marital quality and lower odds of divorce, even when other factors such as education, religiosity, race and income were controlled. It seems that a larger guest list translates to more witnesses to the declaration of commitment. Also, couples with more friends and family probably have more fans and supporters for the outcome of the marriage. Couples who had 50 or less guests scored about 31% on factors indicating a high quality marriage, while couples who had 150 or more guests scored 47% on the same indicators.
- The second finding in the research was that spending more money on weddings and rings was NOT associated with more stable marriages. In fact, couples who spent more than $20,000 on their weddings had 32% more risk of divorce. Perhaps expensive weddings place more stress on marriage right from the beginning.
Although this is but one study about a complicated issue, it seems that the take-away here is for couples to focus more on their connection and commitment than on the spectacle of the wedding day. I have, indeed, seen many beautiful wedding days turned into nothing more but painful photos in the album after the marriage has turned sour. It’s for this reason that I’m often quoted as saying, “Don’t spend hundreds of hours and thousands of dollars on your wedding, and forget to plan for your marriage”.
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